i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
