She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
