So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need a beard to bite.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
