how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
