So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
