I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
