Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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