Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
