you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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