Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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