i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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