Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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