$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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