Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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