Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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