i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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