when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
