if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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