It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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