I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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