Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
