Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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