So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
