Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sex in a hospital.. check
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
