Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
