My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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