if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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