I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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