found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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