Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
