I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
