I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
