My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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