Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
