I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
