I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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