I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
