Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
