I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
