is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
