I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she told me i tasted like america
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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