so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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