these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
