All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
