woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
