apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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