everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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