Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
