I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
