and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
