Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
