its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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