Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
