My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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