my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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