You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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