C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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