I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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