there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
