I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize