what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
