I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
