M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
