Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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