you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize