Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.