i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
someone owes me an orgasm
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds